Don’t Mess with Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day, which passed innocently over the weekend, got me thinking about gay marriage. It’s all well and good to protect marriage as an institution between a man and a woman (as lots of right-minded people who obviously have learned how to prioritize the truly important issues facing us as a nation are doing), but has anyone stood up in defense of the great tradition that we owe to Saint Valentine — whoever the heck he was? This cherished holiday is clearly intended to celebrate romantic transactions between a man and a woman — and only between a man and a woman — and anyone who tells you otherwise, I’m sure, had better think twice about his or her relationship with the Big Guy.

I swear, if I hear of even one gay couple exchanging candy in heart-shaped boxes, filling out little pink greeting cards, or buying individually wrapped roses as a way of expressing their romantic intentions to one another on the Fourteenth of February — all of these being blatant attempts at undermining one of the founding Hallmark holidays or our society — then they’d better be ready for the onslaught of protest letters sent to newspapers and on-air call-ins to radio shows that only the dedication of all my bountiful free time can produce. Also, don’t even make write a letter to my congressperson with the words “constitutional amendment” in it. You just don’t want that.


One Comment

  1. As part of the annual gay and lesbian Midsumma festival in Melbourne, Valentine’s weekend included a suitable fuck-you to those ‘right-minded individuals’ like Mr Bork (what a silly name) who would discriminate on the grounds of sexuality: a mass ‘commitment ceremony’. 300 couples were happily wed. Hurrah!

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