How to Raise a Dog

Doggie daddyhood is way more involved than I realized. Not only is it terribly time-consuming and expensive, it’s also full of unexpected perils. Over the course of just three and a half months of daddyhood, I’ve had to help see Mister President through a worm infestation, a puncture wound from a dog fight, diarrhea, swallowed squeaky toys that aren’t meant to be swallowed, motion sickness during the course of just about every car ride he’s ever taken, and spraining my own ankle. The latest happened tonight at the park when another dog, unprovoked, snapped and tore Mister President’s ear — actually tore it — and now the poor guy needs stitches. At least I’m putting the veterinarian’s kids through school.