A technology-free alternative to constant hand-to-phone contact. With a thin, light and completely wireless design, the noPhone acts as a surrogate to any smart mobile device, enabling you to always have a rectangle of smooth, cold plastic to clutch without forgoing any potential engagement with your direct environment. Never again experience the unsettling feeling of flesh on flesh when closing your hand.

The accompanying “How does it work?” video is particularly hilarious.

Note to Facebook: this is SATIRE.

Update: Oops, sorry Facebook, time to remove that “satire” tag, as the noPhone is now a real Kickstarter project.