One day, decades from now, my children will ask me, “Papa, why didn’t you stop global warming when you had a chance?” Or, “Papa, how in the world did Donald Trump become president? Didn’t you realize that he would destroy the country?”

To which I’ll reply, “Hey, look, as a generation, we were busy adapting Bruce Willis’s immortal 1988 action masterpiece ‘Die Hard’ into a coloring and activity book, for release by Harper Collins.” Then I’ll show them these awesome spreads, and then they’ll understand everything. Everything.